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[05 Sep 2004|11:55pm] |
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okay the past 20 mineuets ive been flipping out and crying and omg. i finally calmed down a little. but i realized im 16. im not a kid anymore. i have to actually grow up. in a couple years, jut 2 i will be living on my own. out of school. starting a LIFE. i want to go back to 3rd grade. or even before that. and redo all of that. wow. im not ready to grow up at all. omg. i cant. i hate this. i hate this.
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[05 Sep 2004|12:26am] |
i feel like im not good enough aqnymore. not a good enough daughter, not a good enough sister, not a good enough friend...just not a good enough person in general. i hate this. i should be really happy but i havnt been lately. yeah sure when im actually out doing things im sincerely having fun, but when im at home all by myself i just want to crawl up in my bed. i would go do that now, but im home alone and its really scary. i miss sarah. i hate that my parents hate me. i hate how i act sometimes. i hate the feeling that i wont be excepted. i hate being shy. i hate the thought of never being loved. i hate not being loved. i hate that im home alone. i hate that i bite my nails. and lastly i hate how the baskstreet boys song that wakes me up every morning reminds me of you becuase your the first person i think about when i wake up. except i absouslty love it.
goodnight.
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[03 Sep 2004|01:09am] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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wow
<3
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[31 Aug 2004|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
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music |
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FM Static- Hey now |
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oh
my
god.
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[30 Aug 2004|10:16pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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hey now- fm static |
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school started.
its good. im not too fond of my 3rd and 4th huors though. more so my 4th hour, becuas ei dont like how the teacher grades. plus hes a huge liberal. uhmm...1st hour 2nd hour is capa...i have mrs. malyn for that. lol i cant talk about the substitue teacher behind their backs wiht my friends, becuase it IS my friend mommy. ahha excpet theres nothing bad i could ever say about mrs. malyn. Uhmm... lunch is interesting. i didnt feel good today so i didnt eat. uhmm...vocal is a small class. well a normal vocal class size, but compared to last semsters vocal class its tiny. choralation is 6th hour of course thats fun. We brought our sippy cups to school today. yay. and we dressed alike. lol. and i had to go in early to do the fight song. yay. lol. ew. we went to mcdonalds though after the fight song thigny and b4 school started. which was AWESOME. it was def. the best 1st day of school ever. Excpet i was soooo tired when i came home. so so so so so tired. i fell asleep...then i got dressed for choralation, half asleep and in the dark. it was interesting. lol....then i went to choralation. ahh we finsihed our dance!! me and dan are the best ever. i hope hes my parnter!! i think he got me sick. i dont know how, because i dont think he was sick before, but ever since then ive been SNEEZING!! what a guyyy. lol. meow. im going to bed now i think. ew. i dont want to go to shcool tommorow, although i have new clothes to wear!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
**Any minute im not with you,
I hope ill see you soon,
Theres just something that happens,
When you walk into the room
And instantly i feel so complete,**
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